Valentine's Crayons

What I did alllll weekend!  The oven still smells like melting crayon!

One of the best!

Three kinds, tried to make some that would appeal to both boys and girls.

New Year

And so I begin the next chapter in my life as a full-day kindergarten teacher.  The experience of actually landing a job in today's economy has been incredibly surreal.  I still sometimes believe that I've just been ignoring my normal daily duties of searching for teaching positions, other times I'm incredibly tempted to log on to K12 or local school district websites to see what "could have been."  But so far, I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. 

I need to fully accept this position with a full heart and optimism, despite the fact that I never ever ever wanted to teach kindergarten.  Ever.  Believe me, teaching 8th grade for one year was one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I think about those kids every day (they are going to be juniors in high school, can't believe it).  But someone, actually many people, kept telling me that everything happens for a reason, and that when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.  Eventually, I stopped believing them because I just couldn't see where this path was leading.  I mean honestly, 8th grade teacher/kindergarten enrichment teacher/teacher's aide and then two years as a special education aide with autistic children?  What a crazy ride! (Not to mention resume). In the end, it's God's decision, and for some reason, right now, he wants me to teach kindergarten.  So here I go.

Got to work in my room today for the first time.  It was actually pretty cool.  The building was so quiet and I just kept circling around the room throwing things in random shelves and cupboards, having no idea what I was doing.  I'm room 106, close to music, lunch room, and bathroom so that's pretty cool.  I have way too many toys in my room and they made me a little disgusted because I have no idea where they came from and they are kinda gross.  Lots to do for the boys, which is great, toy trucks and things of that nature.

So how did I begin to prepare for this new challenge?  Well, I started immediately because how dare I waste my own time by actually enjoying summer?  I ordered a bunch of books off of Amazon about how to teach kindergarten.  Some were more helpful than others, the best was Kindergarten in Photographs by Jasmine Greene, she is wonderful, very straightforward and so many good ideas that I am totally borrowing.  I also got some tips from the good old Internet, including various kindergarten blogs (some of those ladies are so talented and creative and generous, I hope someday I will be able to return the favor), TeachersPayTeachers.com, and YouTube videos of kindergarten morning meeting and the like.  Next were visits with former kindergarten teachers Erica and Kathy who gave me some expectations for what the year would be like.  And finally, coffee and a chat with my teammates. 

The shopping was stressful because as soon as I crossed all of my stores off my list, I had to create a whole new list because of my constant flow of ideas.  Finally, I just had to put my foot down.  Overall, I didn't spend as much money as I thought since I had a lot of hand-me-downs from my cousin Melissa and from Kathy (including 25 years worth of books).  I think I spent just as much money on new clothes (comfy yet professional) as I did on school supplies.  Some do need to be returned and a few things still need to be purchased such as trays and some math manipulatives (so expensive!).  I just want everything to be done so that I can start planning for my kiddos but first things first.

I feel like as much as my parents have been supporting me throughout this whole job search, they aren't as involved as I would like them to be in the preparation process.  My father could care less quite literally.  Mother asks questions but is so involved in sending kid brother to college that everything I do is overshadowed by her loss...oh Lord.  The joys of having a brother six years younger, he keeps me young though. 

I think I'm going to like my team and the two new girls I met today were very nice and I think similar to me which is good good good since I tend to get along with people just like me (not too outgoing or boisterous, they just annoy me).

So tomorrow I have decided to spend the day with two of my favorite guys, my brother, who is leaving for school in a little less than a week for the first time, and a good friend who is somewhat of a long lost friend but still tride and true.  I hope to let go of some of this fear and worry and just enjoy myself and believe that it's all going to be okay.

I plan to keep blogging throughout the school year as a sort of reflection, because I have found that writing can be such a wonderful and effective way to reflect upon a person's day.

Adios amigos!  Off to the world of Skippyjon and Junie B. (Jones).

It's A Book - By Lane Smith

New Year's Eve 2010

Tomorrow begins 2011, a brand new year full of new experiences, surprises, and opportunities.  In the past, on New Year's Eve, I've reflected on the past year with mainly regrets.  Regrets that I didn't find the right boyfriend, the right job, the right friends.  I fought with family members, I was unhappy with myself and with those close to me.  I longed for the coming year to be better, but I really couldn't specifically visualize what it was that I wanted.  I thought that whatever you want to call it, fate, God, was going to either make the coming year a good one, or a bad one.  I wasn't in control of my destiny.  Whatever was going to happen was going to happen, and I had no say in it.

I have a lot of things going for me.  And I have a lot of things that I want to change about my life.  This New Year's Eve is different.  Because for the first time in my life, I know that I have to power to make this coming year of 2011 awesome.  I have a lot of things that I am working on, both professionally and personally, and I plan to set goals for myself and see them through.  These are not your typical New Year's resolutions.  No, I am definitely going to work on these, not just try to stick with them for a couple of weeks.

So no more feeling sorry for myself.  No more blaming my problems on other people.  No more missing out on things I want to do because I'm afraid.  I'm not afraid anymore to let go of people that I don't love.  As Lindsay Lohan said in Mean Girls, I have to "suck all of the poison out of my life".  Sometimes the poison is other people.  Sometimes the poison is yourself.

I hope that everyone who reads this (which isn't a lot of people but who knows!) I hope that you can find the courage within yourself to make some goals for the coming year and make them happen for yourself, rather than trusting it all to fate.

:0)

A smile is an interesting thing.  Because it means different things to different people and in different situations.  If you smile at someone walking down the hallway, you do it to be polite, unless of course they are a good friend and you are genually happy to see them.  If you smile during an interview, it's because you want the interviewers to like you and think that you are a happy and positive person who can do great things for their company.  My mother is a very happy person with a very positive mindset.  She smiles constantly, even when she may be having a tough day, basically because she cares about people and doesn't let herself get wrapped up in her personal problems. 

So why do you smile?

Think about how much you smile every day.  And when.  How do you feel when you smile?  Is it genuine, or fake?  Are you doing it just to be polite and to make people think you are happy?  Some people believe that if you smile enough, even when you are sad, you can actually change your mood from a negative to a positive one.  I don't know about that, but maybe we should all try it once in a while. 

Michael Jackson's favorite song was "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin.  The lyrics tell us to smile even when our hearts are breaking.  Some people may look at this song and think, "why would I want to cover up my real emotions?  I'm not afraid to show people that I am sad or angry.  People who are happy all the time are just fake."  If you continue to listen though, you'll see that smiling actually gives you a little bit of hope, that "life is still worthwhile if you just smile."  Can a smile expel the darkness like Harry Potter using a patronus charm to scare the dementors away? 

We'll just have to find out!  :0)

Book Review-Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D

I would first like to say that I would normally never read a book like this.  I would never pick it up off the Barnes & Noble table and purchase it, nor would I look for it in the library.  However, reading this book was one of the best things I have done in a long time and here's why.
"Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" is written by Carol S. Dweck, a well-known and very knowledgeable psychologist.  Her main focus is to introduce readers to two different types of mindsets: the fixed and the growth.  People with the fixed mindset believe that everyone is given certain gifts when they are born and as hard as you may try, you can never improve upon those gifts.  For example, James Galway, one of the best flautists in the world and one of the most popular, was born with a musical gift.  He does practice to maintain his gift, but the knowledge that he posesses of how to play the instrument has always been with him.  Very few people, according to those with the fixed mindset, can reach the level of success that James has.  People with the growth mindset, on the other hand, believe that through hard work, acceptance of criticism, and the desire to succeed, people can achieve goals that some would consider to be impossible.
How can this book affect teachers, managers, coaches, parents, and students?  Everyone either has a fixed or growth mindset.  I, for a long time, have believed that I am just okay at certain things and that it is my personality that affects those things.  I believed that a personality cannot be changed. After reading this book, I can at least say that I now believe that I can change for the better.  That my negative traits are not just something that I have to deal with, but something that I can change.
I do recommend this book for really anyone who is unsatisfied with their life and the "cards they've been dealt" so to speak.  I think sometimes it's hard for people to admit that they need help both personally and professionally.  I hope that if you do pick up this book, whether you are a teacher or not, that it can seriously improve your outlook on life and yourself.

Self Improvement

So I would like to take a few minutes and reflect on life and how important it is to continuously improve ourselves, our relationships, and the way we feel about life in general.  This is especially important, I believe, for anyone who works in the education world, but of course it applies to basically anyone.

This past week was a really tough one for me.  I make some mistakes professionally and I had to go out of my comfort zone to apologize to my principal and it really made me think about myself and how other people perceive me.  Ever since high school I've been particularly annoyed when people ask me, "What's wrong?" or "Why aren't you smiling?" or "Are you feeling okay?"  I guess I just always panicked a little bit inside whenever someone said something like this because my first instinct is to think that something is wrong with me.  And in my world, when people think there is something wrong with you, that's bad.  You are inadequate.  You aren't good enough.  I admit that my facial expressions generally may lead some to believe that I'm angry or sad.  I'm just not a very smiley person, and it really takes a lot for me (especially in the morning) to put on a face that reflects how I am feeling inside.  I'm not a depressed person in general.  But now I'm wondering if this characteristic is affecting my work.

A former principal once told me that teaching is like a dog and pony show.  It is up to us teachers to stand up in front of the class and basically put on a show that will engage and inspire students.  When I first heard this, I was appalled, because it went against my philosophy of student-focused instruction and the belief that students should be leading the class, not teachers.  But now that I am thinking back to that time, there is some truth to it.  You do have to put on an act as a teacher.  You do have to show up to school with a smile planted on your face, and no matter what, it must stay there until the final bell rings.  This is harder for some people than others.  I know for sure that this is a challenge that I must accept and face.

Goals for the new year:

1) Reflection.  I plan to reflect everyday using this blog.  Read it if you wish, but this is going to be very helpful for me to reflect on my daily activities, how I performed at work, how my relationships with others are going, and how I am moving towards reaching my goals.  I hope that this will be super-beneficial and will bring a peaceful close to each of my days.

2) Weight.  Teachers and paraprofessionals are constantly bombarded with treats in the lounge, in the office, gifts from students, etc.  I have lost about 12 pounds in the past 9 months, which might not sound like a lot to you, but for me, it has been the second most successful weight loss in my life (granted I'm only 24 but still).  I would like to continue to exercise 3-4 times a week using a variety of methods, perhaps even join a Pilates class or some other workout at the fitness center where I work.  I will continue to eat right and semi-follow (cause that's all I am able to do it seems) the Weight Watchers points system.

3) I will try to accomplish a personal goal of reading the Bible by reading a passage each day for the whole of 2011. 

This week I will try to sit down and type of a couple of goals I have for myself professionally.  As for now, I am going to let it go and enjoy the rest of my night.

By the way, I am starting to enjoy a book given to me this past week called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck.  This book, I think, is going to be so helpful because it is really helping me to pinpoint my weaknesses and refocusing my thinking so that I can work to improve upon those weaknesses.