This past week was a really tough one for me. I make some mistakes professionally and I had to go out of my comfort zone to apologize to my principal and it really made me think about myself and how other people perceive me. Ever since high school I've been particularly annoyed when people ask me, "What's wrong?" or "Why aren't you smiling?" or "Are you feeling okay?" I guess I just always panicked a little bit inside whenever someone said something like this because my first instinct is to think that something is wrong with me. And in my world, when people think there is something wrong with you, that's bad. You are inadequate. You aren't good enough. I admit that my facial expressions generally may lead some to believe that I'm angry or sad. I'm just not a very smiley person, and it really takes a lot for me (especially in the morning) to put on a face that reflects how I am feeling inside. I'm not a depressed person in general. But now I'm wondering if this characteristic is affecting my work.
A former principal once told me that teaching is like a dog and pony show. It is up to us teachers to stand up in front of the class and basically put on a show that will engage and inspire students. When I first heard this, I was appalled, because it went against my philosophy of student-focused instruction and the belief that students should be leading the class, not teachers. But now that I am thinking back to that time, there is some truth to it. You do have to put on an act as a teacher. You do have to show up to school with a smile planted on your face, and no matter what, it must stay there until the final bell rings. This is harder for some people than others. I know for sure that this is a challenge that I must accept and face.
Goals for the new year:
1) Reflection. I plan to reflect everyday using this blog. Read it if you wish, but this is going to be very helpful for me to reflect on my daily activities, how I performed at work, how my relationships with others are going, and how I am moving towards reaching my goals. I hope that this will be super-beneficial and will bring a peaceful close to each of my days.
2) Weight. Teachers and paraprofessionals are constantly bombarded with treats in the lounge, in the office, gifts from students, etc. I have lost about 12 pounds in the past 9 months, which might not sound like a lot to you, but for me, it has been the second most successful weight loss in my life (granted I'm only 24 but still). I would like to continue to exercise 3-4 times a week using a variety of methods, perhaps even join a Pilates class or some other workout at the fitness center where I work. I will continue to eat right and semi-follow (cause that's all I am able to do it seems) the Weight Watchers points system.
3) I will try to accomplish a personal goal of reading the Bible by reading a passage each day for the whole of 2011.
This week I will try to sit down and type of a couple of goals I have for myself professionally. As for now, I am going to let it go and enjoy the rest of my night.
By the way, I am starting to enjoy a book given to me this past week called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck. This book, I think, is going to be so helpful because it is really helping me to pinpoint my weaknesses and refocusing my thinking so that I can work to improve upon those weaknesses.
No comments:
Post a Comment